Insomnia

Driveing through rain clouds
falling in and out of conciousness
I'm suffocating myself without sleep
my eyes are red buffy clouds of death
weep weep fucking weep.

My life is messy and disorganised like grandmas old sewing table
but I seen to know my way around, to find what i need
even though I can't see it, I know how to get to it.

Lights, midnight bites and lavender

Typeing contemplating then deleting anything with the thought of you
like a mind surgery
I want to erase these thoughts of you
I want to fly to the moon and catch all the stars in my pockets on the way up and use them for magical powers to fix the mess everyones made.
Coffee highs
I can't shed tears or cry
tonight's the night tonight's the night
I want to try but I'm to weak to fragile to make a movement or speak
cure me.

I'll sing to you from a sickness
smothered by a blanket fort
of an imagination jumping
from your my mind to yours
I'm sick of these countless seconds
I don't want our minds to entwine

I've been trying to catch the light on my window cill but it keeps getting faded out by the shadows

discontent with these emotions

so i'm disconnecting myself from them all

Writeing your name on icey window cells like I'm twelve again
trying to pick up the peices when I can't even put down the pen

Coffee Stained Lip's & Cigerettes & Fingertip's

The world is so moudly,

and my room is getting so damn small that it's like a bat cave

and I'm here hanging from my ceiling waiting to fall and crash and crumble again.

Everything remind's me of him and I can't delete a thing.

I am the loose echo in your voicebox

Chain smoking cigerettes at 5 A.m because I couldn't sleep

glassy glitter tear stained eye lashs.

My minds filled with jitters & cracked bones,

emotions, feelings,thoughts

and I literrally feel ill inside

just thinking about him..

I was scared because you were dissolveing in front of me.

Smokeing ma's burnt out cigerette butt's

searching for a headspin within something, anything.

My brain keeps yelling and everything is so loud

I just want to to fade out so I can excist again

An organ is playing the same beats

over and over again inside my head

Xaiver is gone, I never had a chance to meet him

he would have brightend my thoughts

and made everything seem less empty

My mouth tastes like an ashtray

I don't mind.

Creating subtances to disolve my bones and disappear

Leaves and dirty wool

Can we camp out where noone else knows, forever

Hide and become nothing more then the grass in the ground?

Danceing with the figments of our imaginations

just you and me together.

kissing the spaces between the cracks of seperation, I feel so numb inside.

Trying to find beauty in this endless black hole

I want to walk down a street and admire all the beauty not the defects

I don't want to excist here, I just want to disappear.

.

.

If you believe in something long enough then it almost becomes real.

I feel trapped inside of an imaginary life time with only myself and the creatures that I make up and paint inside of my head.

I tried to work a normal job but I felt so out of it, like fainting or collapsing just so i didn't have to speak to people.

I quit life, fuck society & realism.

I want to hide inside of a box and only see the people I imagine and just write journals

and paint pictures of them forever.

Invisibility cloak

My body is decaying & sinking like quick sand, I can barely even feed myself anymore.

I'm becomeing an illusive thought, nothing more.

All of these emotions are eating my insides

I don't want to die, I do want to die.

Why can't there be a footpath

some sort of thought process

to stop me from dissappearing so quickly.

how long until distance becomes a choice?

I post my thoughts and feelings and secrets here more than I should, so I'm going to stop for a bit,

and hand write my secrets and write people stories and send them via little letters in their mail boxes.

I can't watch T.V anymore without feeling lonely or sad, it hurts my brain and my heart.

My anxiety is biteing me on the ass again, and my ever so annoying jitters are back, and I'm nervous all the time.

But i'm fighting it and hideing away until I'm better, it's hard and I can feel myself crumbleing.

I'm off all of my pills almost and I can slowly feel myself dissapearing and reappearing in diffrent ways.

I want to create a space ship and fly us away and meet the monsters that created us, and feel my feet sinking into the moon rather than these grass stained socks.

x

Distance in a thought, in a feeling.

I'll draw us together by the firework & friction in our fingers

Falling in and out of thoughts and shivers and suffocateing them with blanket forts.

I want endless seconds with you.

Searching for words to speak inside a broken voicebox
I can't hide this anxiety inside, it hurts.
I'm out of the loop with everything 4evz

Geisha love.

x

Film post

Another polaroid post.x